No Comparison While Making Art

Reading the success stories of people like Bill Gates or a child prodigy who makes millions selling their paintings, I wonder what is wrong with me. I feel a tremendous sense of underachievement.

However, I don’t feel this way when I create; it absorbs my all.

Nothing Holding Me Back But Me

I don’t really feel like writing today because I have not been successful at all about carving. Today, however, opens up new possibilities, both for failure and success. I just need to walk down the stairs and do it. There is nothing holding me back today, no calls, no jobs, no assignments, no interruptions, save the kids, and that’s ok.

Expectations of Failure Chill

It is minus -48 degrees C. The wood stove is proving its worth again. Yesterday I was up until 6AM trying to thaw the upstairs water line. For some reason the hot water line would not thaw. In the end I went to bed, leaving the all the taps on and a few hours later the hot water thawed and poured into tub and sink.

I have been thinking about a tendency I've had since youth to perform well under low expectations and fold when expectations are raised. Perhaps it is my own underlying expectation of failure? Recently, I have created more positive expectations for my self. I believe I will succeed at work. I function without a doubt that I'll succeed and so I do, but there exists within a dark voice of pessimism. Parental fear perhaps? Wanting me to succeed, the voice I remember is one of great apprehension and focus on the possibility of failure.

I will be successful. I will not give up on what is important.